Hey y’all! Happy Saturday!

You might actually be getting two posts today and one tomorrow. I’ve been a busy bee! But, I sent this to a friend the other day after a breakup and wanted to share what I’ve learned being single. Even if it’s just to put my thoughts to paper, I’m okay with that. I hope this helps someone- even if you’re fresh out of a breakup- realize that it’s okay to be by yourself. So without further ado, here’s what I’ve learned being single.

But, if I’ve learned anything over the last 3.5-4 years its this: I’m broken, I’m bruised and I’ve been through hell. But, projecting that onto someone else isn’t fair. I thought I was in love. But how could I have been in love if I didn’t even know who I was? If I didn’t even love myself. Loving the idea of being in love is so common and natural. But, real love is not. So many women, myself included, chase something that can’t be caught. But we do it anyway. Why? Because we’ve been so conditioned by society to think that we need love to be a complete women. FALSE. Love isn’t a trait to define yourself by. You’re made up of the things you love, not a person. I’ve learned that it’s okay to admit that I projected my problems onto and into my relationships. I’ve learned there’s a difference between venting and wanting someone to problem solve and fill the voids those problems create. Venting is a one and done situation, projecting is continual dwelling. If you’re constantly having the same issues, you need to look within yourself and say “okay, maybe this isn’t healthy.” In the almost three years I’ve been single I’ve learned what it take to make myself feel happy and fulfilled. You know what doesn’t? Having a man. When I was so dependent on a mans attention I lost sight of me and who I was and who I wanted to be. I fell into the trap of becoming his ideal women and molding to try and fit that part. What I learned was that a man who truly loves you, will love your authentic self. Not the mold or box he expects you to fit in. But, I’ve also learned in taking time for myself that I couldn’t handle trying to fit into someone’s box. I’m my own person, that I love, why would I want to change what I’ve built? Who i’ve become? I may not wear my emotions on my sleeve, but I’ve used them to strengthen me, to grow, to bloom. Dating is fun, true. But stepping away and becoming myself, authentically, has been the most important journey I’ve been on. I’ve learned what feeds my soul, my brain, and my heart. Not what feeds a desire. When you can stand alone, and be authentically you, that’s when you’ll attract the person who’s right for you. When you’re trying to be what society wants you to be, you’re doing yourself a disservice. So, my advice to you: you’ve been through hell these last 3-5 years, truthfully, trying to mold into what these BOYS want you to be. You’re not defined by your body, or your sexual ability. If you step away from trying to find the love of your life, you’ll see that. It’s a conscious decision to get to know yourself. One that is beneficial. When you find yourself and what feeds your soul, you find the authentic you. It gives you what you need to fall in love with yourself. When you fall in love with your authentic self, you’ll learn that settling, is never okay. That you’re worth respect and an equal partnership. Someone willing to step out of their comfort zone and you’d be willing to step out of yours. Stop chasing this unattainable perfection of what everyone else wants you to be and be who you want you to be. If you’re not, no one else will be. And that’s where you will find happiness. Without a man and within yourself. And that is truly beautiful.

Until next time..

Safe Flights & Happy Reading Nights!

XO

B